Contributing Writer: Wendy Cole (ep. 304) is a Gender Diversity Consultant who helps people and organizations better understand transgender and LGBTQ+ experiences through education and honest conversation. Since living authentically in 2015, she has focused on fostering meaningful dialogue with cisgender audiences to build empathy and genuine connection. Through her speaking and podcast, Demystifying the Transgender Journey, Wendy brings humanity and clarity to topics that often feel unfamiliar.
Why do some people feel energized by their lives while others quietly go through the motions, doing all the “right” things yet feeling disconnected inside? For a long time, I believed those energized people had “found” their purpose, as if it arrived like a lightning bolt, announcing who they were and what they were here to do.
If you’ve been waiting for one big revelation, my experience has taught me that purpose isn’t something you stumble upon. It’s built on your values, strengths, and willingness to contribute to something beyond yourself, and it evolves as you do.
How My Purpose Started: Just Explaining My Life
In 2015, I had been living authentically as myself for two weeks when I realized people didn’t understand me.
So I did what felt natural. I shared my life, including what it means to be born transgender, through authentic, vulnerable conversations. That simple act of telling the truth about my life changed me. Once people had context, they saw me as a human being.
My purpose began in 2015, not as a polished mission statement but as a deeply personal act of survival that gradually grew into something larger.
From Personal Story to Helping Others
By 2020, something else became clear. I genuinely enjoyed discussing what it means to be born transgender, not in sound bites but in a real, nuanced, human way. As more people asked questions, my purpose shifted from “explaining myself” to “supporting others.”
I began sharing what I had learned about navigating transitions and managing fear and confusion. People came to me for companionship on the path and for someone to say, “You’re not alone, and here’s what I’ve learned walking this road.” The central part of my purpose was helping others navigate their transitions with greater confidence, clarity, and support.
When the World Changes, Purpose Often Does Too
Then the political climate shifted. In 2022, the messaging about transgender people wasn’t just uninformed; it was deliberately misleading, dehumanizing, and weaponized, turning people into a wedge issue rather than human beings. It didn’t push me toward bitterness but toward action!
I began saying yes to more public spaces: podcasts where I could speak about what it means to be born transgender in our society. My goal was simple: to help people replace manufactured fear with genuine understanding. This was another evolution of purpose, not a complete restart. The same values remained, but they were now expressed through public education and advocacy.
The most important lesson I’ve learned about purpose is that it can evolve as the world around you changes. Your purpose can adapt without becoming “wrong” or “lost.”
Inner Work: The Quiet Engine Behind Purpose
People often ask, “How do I find my purpose?” as if it’s hidden somewhere outside them. Yet much of the work of finding purpose is inward.
There’s a Buddhist-inspired idea I love. “Life opens doors” when you stop scattering your energy chasing approval, noise, and misaligned opportunities, and instead choose yourself. When you pull your energy back from trying to please everyone and listen to your inner voice, your perception shifts. It’s not that the world rearranges itself. You finally see the doors that were there all along.
Here’s how that has shown up in my life and work:
- I stopped trying to walk in every direction at once.
When you live for others’ expectations, your mind grows foggy, and you feel pulled in too many directions. Saying “no” and focusing on what matters cleared my path. - I began to master my inner world, not just my outer calendar.
Working on my thoughts, patterns, and reactions changed how I showed up in life. - I learned the power of solitude.
Time alone stopped feeling like rejection and became a sacred space to reconnect with myself and hear my own voice. - I stepped back from people-pleasing.
People-pleasing is often self-betrayal disguised as kindness. True kindness includes boundaries.
This inner work feeds directly into your purpose. Purpose becomes distorted when you live primarily for others’ approval, but it clarifies as you build self-trust, which is the source of your strength.
What Is Purpose Really?
If we strip away the hype, purpose is what you value, what you’re good at, and how you choose to contribute. It’s more of a direction or intention, with a thread that runs through the different roles and chapters of your life.
In my case, the thread looks like this: I am here to educate, inform, and foster social change, especially around gender diversity and the lives of people treated as “other.” Sometimes that means one-on-one guidance, podcast appearances, or leading a workshop.
The form changes, but your purpose is the connective tissue.
Becoming a Gender Diversity Consultant: Purpose, Formalized
My work evolved into Gender Diversity Consulting. The title may need some explanation, but the core is straightforward. I work with organizations and communities to educate, facilitate discussion, and foster inclusion. I help people move from fear and confusion to understanding and respect. It’s still my story, just told on a larger scale.
This work is about:
- Education: accurate, human-centered information.
- Discussion: space to ask, listen, and reflect.
- Support: helping organizations do better.
- Social change: shift from “othering” to genuine inclusion.
How You Can Begin Building Your Own Purpose
You don’t need to be a consultant or a speaker for your life to be purposeful or universally “impressive.”
Here are some starting points:
- Reflect on what truly matters to you.
What issues move you? What do you want to create? - Notice your natural strengths.
Problem-solving, organizing, comforting, teaching, or creating? - Explore through action, not just thought.
Purpose rarely reveals itself from the couch. Try small experiments. - Pay attention to your energy.
What leaves you drained, and what energizes you? Purpose lives where your energy flows. - Ask, “Who do I want to serve?”
Instead of asking “What do I want to do?” also ask, “Who do I want to help?” Contribution is a powerful compass.
Remember, feeling disconnected right now doesn’t mean you’re failing. It often signals that something within you is ready for a new level of honesty and alignment.
Let Purpose Evolve With You
The one message I hope you take from my story is that you’re allowed to outgrow earlier versions of your purpose, and that’s not a problem. It’s evidence you’re paying attention.
My purpose has evolved from explaining my life to supporting others, then to consulting and educating more broadly. The details change, but the intention remains the same: to help people understand one another more fully, leaving less room for fear to grow.
You don’t have to map out the entire arc or wait until you feel “ready.” Purpose is an ongoing practice of aligning your inner world with how you engage the outer world.
Maybe your next step isn’t announcing your purpose to the world. Maybe it’s quieter than that. Over time, those steps form a path. One day, you may look back and realize you didn’t just “find” your purpose. You built it, moment by moment, choice by choice, in the very real life you’re living now.
