Our Women Over 70 blog is inspired by our podcast, Women Over 70: Aging Reimagined, where we talk weekly with women in their 70s-100s about issues that matter to women as we age. You can listen to their stories in 8 different categories. This blog focuses on female friendship a topic which shows up in all categories.
Friendships with women are a mainstay in both our lives. We each have female friends that reach back to elementary and high school and to college, that come from homelife and workplace, and from shared causes and interests. Close friends come from our families of origin as well. Katherine Mansfield (modernist short story writer) disclosed, “The truth is, friendship to me is every bit as sacred and eternal as marriage.” Many of us who have had romantic male partners find that our female friends outlive the men.
“The truth is, friendship to me is every bit as sacred and eternal as marriage.” – Katherine Mansfield
Try to imagine a life without female friends. Who but a caring friend would host a scrumptious brunch for Gail’s special birthday with a group of special friends? Who but a trusted friend would give Catherine an open invitation to her home on a Caribbean island, where they birthed a book about holistic health for women beyond menopause? Who do you call and who calls on you when life events–catastrophic or joyous or somewhere in-between–need to be shared? Perhaps not exclusively, but almost always, it will be your close female friends.
It’s no surprise to most women that female friends are good for the heart and soul. Women Over 70 Advocate, Lydia Denworth (ep. #63), documents in her illuminating and well-researched book– Friendship: The Evolution, Biology and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond (2020)–that friendship is as important to our health as diet and exercise. So, it turns out that friendships, and we put the accent on female friends, are vital to your overall well being.
Lydia found that quality friendships have three core characteristics: they are long lasting, positive, and cooperative. This certainly rings true in our experience. Yet, valued friendships need not be 50+ years in the making. Newer friends can enhance your lives in a multitude of ways. Many of our Podcast guests encourage always being open to making new friends. Advocate Joy Loverde (ep. #89 ) says if you want to know what it’s like being older, befriend someone who knows all about that. Ninety-one year old Marie Kisiel (ep. #83) says she is always learning from her younger friends and they help keep her young at heart. Catherine has close friendships with women ages 40 to 87; Gail with women ages 32 to 89. Age need not be a criterion for forming close female friendships.
Female friendship may also be part of a romantic partnership. Nancy Manahan (ep. #118) talks about her long-term loving relationship with her wife Becky. Advocate Jane Traies (ep. #146) has researched and written about the untold stories of older Lesbian women. Elaine Soloway’s (ep. #160, forthcoming) family life took an unexpected turn. Having been married for three decades, Elaine is now close friends with her transgendered ex-husband.
The pandemic may be keeping friends apart physically but not necessarily socially. Zoom, for all of its frustrations, allows coast-to-coast and country-to-country connections with friends from anywhere, either one-on-one or in groups. You may have rekindled connections as Catherine has with some high school friends and friends in Africa and Jamaica, or Gail with business colleagues and friends she hasn’t communicated with in years. Perhaps you have joined virtual groups where you are meeting interesting women you wouldn’t otherwise have occasion to know. We invite you to become a member of our Aging Reimagined Circle (www.womenover70.com), the most awesome, inspiring and welcoming group of women to be found anywhere, on any site.
Let’s always keep in mind Lydia Denworth’s significant conclusion: “Friendship is relevant to every person on the globe at every time in their lives.”
