IT MAKES ME FEEL OLD?
Aging Reimagined Circle July 2023 RESET ON AGEISM
Written By: Lin O’Neill, CEO O’Neill Enterprises, Founder-Assisted Living Managers’ Certification Training
It isn’t my Birth Certificate. It isn’t even the photo on my Texas Driver’s License. Nope…the types of things that make me feel old are things like…calling me “Ma’m.” I know, I know…it’s the Southern Way and I live in the South. You know what? I don’t care. It makes me feel old! Other actions falling into my category of “Please Don’t Do This To Me” are: 1) the offer to help me walk across the street [even though I’m securely entering the crosswalk and the traffic light is green], 2) the pitying look of someone saying to me, “It’s an app for your phone” [the implication being I couldn’t possibly know that], 3) the department store employee saying, “You’ll probably want to look over there” and pointing to the more sedate styles when I am looking for a sexy pair of jeans, 4) the Whole Foods Cashier who raises her eyebrows when I unload my Sushi dinners onto the checkout belt and says, “I never see people your age buying this”, 5) the DJ at one of my relatives’ weddings saying, “Want to hear some Glenn Miller, Hon?”, 6) the Uber Driver who says [for me, though not for anyone else] “Wait! Wait! I’ll come around and open your door…it’s heavy.” or 7) the car salesman who tries to steer me from the 4-wheel- drive trucks to a 4-door sedan…DANG! I REALLY LIKED that truck!
I admit…if I’ve been ill [like with COVID] or it’s raining and I don’t have on my gorgeous raincoat with the glamorous hood, these same actions will be perceived by me as Kindnesses. The point, though, to all the otherwise-kind folks who proffer these actions is the unspoken assumption that I need help…ask me, please. Would I like help? That’s the question I love to hear. Then I can say, “Yes” or “No” and the age-implication isn’t quite as strong.
When I correct individuals [as an example, those calling me “Ma’m”] they often say something like, “My Mother would kill me if I called you anything else.” Well, I don’t know your mother and I would say exactly the same thing to her that I said to you. In case you [or she] haven’t noticed, the world has changed. I just read that the first person who will live to be 150 has already been born. At what age will you ask them if they need help? 120? 132? Or…
The real issue here is my desire for continued independence. I am not and don’t want to feel…needy or anything akin to helplessness. Believe me, I know I may be walking slower than I did when I was a 25-year-old Flight Attendant [Okay! Yes, we were Stewardesses then.]. BUT, you know what, my heart is still 25. My face, though it has some well-earned wrinkles, when I look at it in the mirror…I still see vestiges of that younger me. If you only see the years that have been added, you hurt me.
So…ask me, “Do You want some help?” or “How ya doin’ today? This road is slick, isn’t it?” or something like that. Let me ask if I have a need. Please don’t just assume that I do. When you do that, it makes me feel old!
