What Internal Ageist Beliefs Do You Hold?
Aging Reimagined Circle Guest Commentary By Sally Duplantier (ep. 199), gerontologist; founder-Zing: live your best life longer
Ageism is thought to be the last acceptable form of prejudice. We decry jokes about racism, gender, religion, and even weight, yet people of all ages poke fun at “old people,” based on misconceived stereotypes of inept, doddering, and fragile women and men who can’t quite fend for themselves. Yes, external ageism abounds, but what about internal ageism? We can be our own worst enemies when it comes to self-limiting, ageist beliefs about what we can and can’t do.
As we explored the topic, “Let’s Reset Ageism” in the July 11th Candid Conversation—Aging Reimagined Circle– hosted by Catherine and Gail, I was struck by the positivity that many women in the group had about the aging process. Yes, women acknowledged their lines and wrinkles and wanting to go to bed by 10:30 pm, but they also talked about the positive aspects of their lives. One participant said:
“I have never thought of aging as anything but another adventure.”
This concept of adventure is reinforced in the best-selling book Elderhood by Louise Aaronson, MD, which reframes “life’s third act” not as a nightmare or nirvana but rather one filled with a combination of joy, wonder, frustration, outrage, and hope about aging.
Being able to reframe aging in a positive way not only helps us to be more satisfied with life, but also contributes to longevity. In Breaking the Age Code, Dr. Becca Levy’s research shows that breaking away from our negative stereotypes about aging can positively impact the aging process itself, including the way genes operate, and yielding an extra 7.5 years of life expectancy.
The question is, how do we stop the negative self-talk about our own aging process and begin to see it in a positive way? Maybe we weren’t born with the Pollyanna gene, so seeing the glass half full isn’t so easy. While there are no simple solutions, here is one thought that was expressed by a participant in our Candid Conversation:
“I wasn’t always a positive person. In fact, I was kind of negative. But I realized that after a while, other people get tired of being around someone negative. I even got tired of it! So, I decided to change.”
In my own life, I have found a couple of practices to be helpful. The first is self-awareness. For example, I noticed that I was buying birthday cards that made fun of getting old and sending them to friends of a similar age. I was buying into the negative stereotypes of Old Grannie cards and then sharing those stereotypes with other women under the guise of being funny. So, I stopped doing that.
The second practice is a mantra I remind myself of daily: #NeverTooOld. I firmly believe that we are never too old to learn, grow, and contribute. I love this quote from Dr. James Doty in his book, Into the Magic Shop: “While each of us aspires to change the world, sometimes the greatest thing we can do is improve the life of one person, and that can be enough.” We are #NeverTooOld to make a difference in someone’s life.
I’m curious to know – what internal ageist beliefs might you hold? Where might you limit yourself because of preconceived ideas about your age? What might you try if you didn’t hold those beliefs?
